it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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