I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were trust falling into bushes
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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