But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
