She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
