Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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