Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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