Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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