I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
