If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
