oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
