Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
