ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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