You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
