Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
BRING THE BAGELS
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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