We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
