I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
time to smoke my breakfast
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
