6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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