Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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