Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
