...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
