Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
