I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
