I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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