I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
