There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
