I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
