I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
