I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
