im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
