Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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