I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
