dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
