i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
