Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
