a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
