I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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