I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
