You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
