how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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