I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
