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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
