Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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