Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
