how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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