Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
