I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
