Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
