capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My dick has a subreddit
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
