You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
