Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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