also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
