dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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