Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
