3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
