I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
