After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize