you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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