Your tits are I can't wait for
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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