the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
