would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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