gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
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She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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